The Real Vacation- Part 1

    We went to Monterey over the Christmas break because Gillian, our 19 year old special needs child/adult, had been asking to go to the ocean for awhile now.  I posted lots of great photos on Instagram and FB. Of course, I only posted the ones that made it look like we had a great time. A friend even made the comment, “It looks like you had a great time”.  I laughed at that because earlier in the day I sent this picture of me to one of my closest friends and said, “Me. Sitting on the beach. Going crazy. Gillian is spitting.  Gillian just threw sand at  Emma.”  Then I sent her a picture of me and Gillian all smiley and said, “But I can put this pic on FB so my life looks calm and perfect.”  

And that’s what I did and that’s what everyone thought, but that was far from the truth.  Here’s how the weekend really went....

    Gillian is obsessed with her “stuff” right now which includes: a quilt, a pillow, an umbrella, a purse, a picture of Santa, a tube of lipstick, headphones, an iPod, at least 4 bandaids on her fingers and at least 3 pieces of gum in her mouth.  She knows what her “stuff” is and if she is misses one of those items she freaks. She stresses out, spits, yells, stomps and tears things apart until she finds the missing item.  We decided to let her bring all her “stuff” along on our trip so that it would be more peaceful. Backfired!  After getting all situated in our hotel room we decided to go get dinner at Gianni’s.  We start to leave the room and Gillian has all her “stuff” in tow. Normally we let her bring everything but the quilt and pillow out of the house so naturally we told her she had to leave those things in the hotel room. World War 3 broke out. I was shoved and almost knocked over as she tried to grab these items  back from me. Spit started to fly, yelling started to happen and feet were stomping.  No this is not the motions to the newest line dancing craze. This is Gillian unleashing her anxiety. This is when our other two kids are told to leave the room and find someplace safe to be until we get her under control.  This is when I muster up any strength I have left to get her to sit down and calm down.  This is usually at least a ten minute process.  We finally left the hotel room and she had the quilt and pillow in her arms. We weren’t going to win the battle against this adult child’s anxiety this time. Fortunately she was willing to leave it in the car when we got to the restaurant but she was stressed to the max about it. 

    We walked in and Gillian, Nolan and I sat at a table while Howie and Emma went to order the food.  I took these moments to grab Gillian’s hands and pray for her and over her and with her and for me.  I pray this prayer often with her lately as her severe anxiety disorder has completely consumed her life and ours. “Dear Lord, please meet me here in this place right now. Please wash your peace over this child and take away her anxiousness. Lord, I know she knows you and has you in her heart, I ask that your Holy Spirit would pour his fruits out of her. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control.  Let these fruits pour out of me as well, Lord.  Give me the strength and wisdom I need to help this child.  Help her, God.  Please help her. Let her be comfortable in her skin. Let her fear nothing.  Let her just have peace.  Oh how she needs peace.  Thank you for getting us through another battle. Thank you for being here with us and never leaving us.  Amen.”

    I know she feels bad.  She gives me a big hug and a kiss and I tell her how much I love her and how sorry I am for getting so upset at her. I know she doesn’t really get my apologies but that doesn’t mean I keep them from her.  The rest of the family rejoins us and we finally sit in peace as a family for a moment......to be continued.