Life was good. Our marriage was in a better place, we were working on healing, and we were having a baby boy. I felt like for the first time in a very long time I could finally exhale. Little did I know that that was the calm before the biggest storm of my life. 2011-2012 was a year that I will never be bale to forget. My dad was diagnosed with cancer, my parents moved in with us, I gave birth to Nolan, my dad had open heart surgery, Chris started using painkillers again, my parents moved out, Chris and I separated, I was homeschooling 2 kids while taking care of a baby, Gillian had the largest grand mal seizure she had ever had, my grandmother died unexpectedly, Chris moved back in to help me with the kids, my dad had a massive stroke the day he finished his 40th round of radiation, Chris started in on painkillers again, Chris had to move out again, my dad had another small stroke, Chris moved back in, my dad passed away. This all happened in less then a year’s time. What I thought was hell before came nowhere close in comparison to this brief amount of time in my life. It all seems like such a whirlwind now. It was like this giant tornado came through my life and picked up everything I loved and tossed it around and then threw it in all different directions. There were a lot of pieces that had to be picked up because not only was I losing people I loved and dealing with a broken marriage, my kids were losing people they loved and had parents that had completely fallen apart. There was a lot of damage done in this tornado.
Many have asked how I made it through all of this and the only answer I have is that God was carrying me the whole time. I clung to Him so tightly. He was my rock, He was my constant, He was my comforter, He was my healer, He was my everything. That was the only way I could come out of all of that having a shred of sanity and life left. And to be honest, we are still, 6 years later, picking up some of the scattered wreckage. Just when you thin it’s all behind you, you’ll turn around and trip over something else that you have to work through. The key is, though, to keep picking up the pieces God hands you and work through it. Don’t try to step over it or walk around it or kick it aside. The best thing to do is pick it up, hand it to God and work through it with Him.
After my dad died Chris finally got his act together. We just realized that January 29th marked 6 years of sobriety for him and 6 years of restoration in our marriage. It hasn’t been a smooth 6 years. We’ve had some bumpy roads for sure, but never in the past 6 years have we been on these roads alone. We have surrounded ourselves with many friends who have walked this road before us and some who we have had the privilege of walking on their roads with them. Most importantly though we have both worked on our own personal issues separately and our relationships with Christ. I know that I can’t fix my husband and his issues but I can work on my issues and confess and repent from my sins. I still struggle with many triggers that bring me back to times of hell, but I now quickly run to the feet of my Savior and He reminds me I am loved and I am safe.
This is my part in His story. A story that I continue to live out day by day, moment by moment. A story that has had its share of heartache and blessings. A story that has Christ completely woven through it because I am His and He is mine.
-My amazing dad with Emma and Nolan-
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